Well, I have the internet now! Except I've been so busy roleplaying that I've totally ignored this account.

Well... When I say "busy", I really mean... I try to post, but I'm too afraid that I'll stuff it up. So apart from my character's entrance, I haven't done anything.

I have to go read the DNDR capslock room now. :D So no more time to update. Wow. Seriously, how could anyone ever be BORED on the internet? WHY DO I HEAR PEOPLE COMPLAIN OF THAT? I don't know.

...Also... No, never mind. I don't know if one of my school friends still watches this account or not. And they must never know.

....I'm scared now.

Finishing what I started saying before;
I finally realised who Dorcas was. It made me cry. How could I be like him?!?!!

Going on with other things, I was thinking of making another account for roleplaying (I was thinking I should do Misa from Death Note) but the problem is that I don't go on Livejournal long enough to do so. Once I get the internet at home, though, I will.

It's going slowly, though. Mum said we'd FINALLY get it after she transferred the phone but Telstra is a jerk so nothing happened. I don't know when it'll happen. Only that my life will be coming close to being fulfilled when it does. XD

I'm not a Light fangirl anymore. NOT AFTER THE LAST EPISODE. His dignity was what made him awesome. *sad*

That's all... at the moment. I'll probably think of more stuff later but whatever.

 Meh, stuff has happened. I joined a Kyo Kara Maoh stamping community, and almost all of them gave me Dorcus, and I don't even remember who that is. I also joined a penpal community a while ago but Mum changed her mind about whether or not I can give out the address. And I'd be giving out a PO Box! It's not like they'd know where I actually lived! I have more privacy than them--I could stalk them if I wanted!

But I'm not really into stalking, so don't worry, you're all safe to sleep at night.

Sometimes, my little brother is so cute!

My younger cousin is staying over. My dad gave us all chocolate, andmy little brother said, "I love Easter!" Then my cousin nodded and said, "But I love Christmas more!"

Then my little brother said, "Well, Christmas isn't just about presents. It's also about sharing and hope." He said it kind of quietly at the end. But I heard him, and I was just like, awwwww! He's so cute! I ruffled his hair and gave him a quick squeeze.

Mum wants him to come back to live with us at her place, but Dad thinks that William will benefit more at his place. I think he's right, but it's weird being caught between them. And Dad thinks that I'll do better at his place, as well, but as much as I think William is doing well here I like it more at Mum's. Besides, at Dad's, the only thing that seems to happen is I stop maturing, but I stay at a state of immaturity far below the rest of the world. It's like Dad's place is in a little time warp or something. I think Dad would be happy if I stayed a little girl forever, but you know, it's not really the best way to survive.

I'm an INFP, apparently, which is a certain personality type in the Myer Briggs Personality Test. It means that I want to make the world a better place, which I do, but it also said that it's not going to happen, which I know is true as well... The world is confusing, and I need to learn how to live in it properly. As Dad said, "Younger children live in a world of their own." Well, I don't want to live in a world of my own, but THE world, and I want to know what's happening and know how to deal with it. I won't learn that at his place.

Well... Whatever. Happy Easter, or something like that. Hope everyone gets lots of chocolate! ^_^

Current Mood: contemplative

It's been banging around in my head for the past few months, so I thought I'd get it out of my system. I think I've tried explaining what being a twin is like a short while ago, but it didn't really work, because the one example I could think of was a bit too nerdy to use...

Whenever people ask me what being a twin is like, I generally say, "Sometimes we like each other, sometimes we hate each other. We're sisters." But it really doesn't seem to do justice to my feelings. My twin is... She's everything to me. It sounds really weird, and I suspect that me trying to explain how much I love her may sound slightly creepy. But the other day, I spent about four hours being moody and resentful towards her because I just wondered what would happen to me if she died. I pictured myself screaming and screaming and I knew I would never stop, not in my mind, and though I know that I would be too much of a coward to kill myself, I know that life would not be worth living without her in the world.

Now that just sounds extreme. But here's that nerdy example I was kind of embarrassed to use; in Fruits Basket, (yes, I'm obsessed) Kyo's adoptive father tells Tohru that for the members of the Zodiac, words that from someone else would make them flinch, from their demi-god, Akito, they would be a physical blow. Being a twin--at least, for me, I can't speak for other twins--is like that. If someone said to me, "I don't care," then I would roll my eyes, although feel slightly dissappointed. When my Bek says that she doesn't care, it makes me want to cry, and on several occasions it has.

That's one of the things that spurred my thoughts. I was talking to her about something, and then she suddenly interrupted me with, "I don't care!" Then she repeated it over and over again and it was like someone was driving a knife into my chest each time she said it. Another time, she and her boyfriend were sitting on her bed and I was on the chair, 'chaperoning' them, I suppose, when Bek told me to get lost. Her boyfriend said that was really mean, and that I didn't have to go, but she was getting up to drive me out of the room when I  just waved my hand and sighed and left. Then as soon as I was out of hearing distance I burst into tears.

And it just bugs me, that she can affect me this much and I'm nothing to her. Sometimes I'm "cute", most of the time I'm annoying, and she just wants to go spend time with her friends. Then there's all these boys who have crushes on her, two of which want to spend their lives with her (pretty long lives, considering she's only fifteen) and then there's her boyfriend, who would probably mentally break down if she left him (he actually was pretty broken down when she met him. He was only just recovering from a whole year of not speaking AT ALL after breaking up with his previous girlfriend when he met her and she became his new life)(yes, cheesy but it happens).

And then there's me. She barely even acknowledges that I exist. I can't walk with her, stand with her, talk to her in public, and even in private she won't let me hug her on the spurr of a moment. Maybe it's because of all those people who are in love with her, she just accepts people loving her as life and doesn't care about it. But then when I think about that, I think about how no one will ever love me, because they'll just meet Bek and fall in love with her, and I'll always just be a shadow that everyone ignores, when compared to this bright, loud, lovable other person.

Yeah, being a twin isn't as simple as I wish it was.

Current Mood: restless

It's weird posting here again. But I prefer LJ to MySpace.

Something occurred to me that's kinda bugging me, continuously. When I meet new people, I'm always wondering how they think, and in some cases--sad to say, like my little sister--I start wondering if they do think at all.

I'm quite ashamed to admit that, but also relieved to get it off my chest. Straight away I always start mentally banging my head against a wall and saying to myself, "Of course they do. They're human. You're not the only person who can think."

It's just so annoying. It's easier to believe that people on the internet are real than some people that I see everyday, because the people in real life never have anything worthwhile to say. All they talk about is clothes and parties and random things that have no more meaning than what they're actually saying. And worse, they don't even do anything in a nice way, but everything about them consumes goodness and intellect and happiness and spews it out into things like hatred and malice and spitefulness.

I guess that's why they're called shallow people. But I really should stop thinking that--that just because they're shallow doesn't mean there's nothing there at all. And just because they act that way at all doesn't mean they wonder about things like I do, and use their brains to a full extent. Maybe they just don't show it. Ever.

It confuses me sometimes and I don't know that I've explained it properly but whatever. That's life. I'll always be meeting people like that and I'll always be wondering. But I suppose I just have to have faith in other human beings, in the possibility that something might actually be squelching around in their skulls.

Current Mood: restless

Hi again.

I'm hungry.

I finished watching Stargate season 7 with Mum, Mark and William. Mariah's gone to my Auntie Lauraine's place for a couple of days (I don't know if I said that yet or not. I should probably read my past journals to see what I've been rambling on about because I certainly don't know). One of my friends doesn't like the Black Eyed Peas so she gave me the albums Elephunk and Monkey Business. Rebecca stole Elephunk off me and I listened to Monkey Business. I like Gone Going and Lies and Union (I think that's all the ones I like) but some of the rapping gets annoying. I felt way too mainstream for my liking. I had an ambition this year to become a goth but I'm starting to think that there's only one thing I'll ever be; a nerd.

I found this kind of cool quote from wikiquote::
"Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space." --Janet Fitch.
and another one::
"When once you have tasted flight, you will forever walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward, for there you have been, and there you will always long to return." --Leonardo Da Vinci
and::
"Pilots are a rare kind of human. They leave the ordinary surface of the word, to purify their soul in the sky, and they come down to earth, only after recieving the communion of the infinite." --Jose Maria Velasco Ibarra, the President of Ecuador.

Firstly:: Da Vinci was a pretty deep guy.
Secondly:: In the third quote, I think it might be meant to say "...the ordinary surface of the world," instead of word.
Thirdly:: Ecuador's a country?!?!

I really got into William Blake poetry near the end of last year. It's pretty cool. One quote-y thing from him;
"A truth that's told with bad intent
Beats all the lies you can invent."
Pretty deep, huh? True, also. The truth can hurt far more than any lie because the truth is real and it cannot be denied. If you hold a secret in your hands and tell it to the world with the purpose of doing harm, then if the secret is true, it would hurt far more than a fabricated rumour.

Speaking of fabricated rumours, there's one going around Rebecca's friends that she ran away from home and is living at her boyfriend's place these holidays. When I heard that I cracked up laughing for half an hour.

Current Mood: nerdy

It seems a lot but if I'd been able to update more often I'd have written faaar moorrree...

I've gotten addicted to MechQuest. It's kind of like Adventure Quest or Dragon Fable but it's 5,000 years in the past... Weirdly enough, it's all science-y and mecha-based, and has no mention of magic at all.

I wish I was one of the people who made it. Someday I'll be able to do that, actually... It's one of my dreams. I will become the best there is in animation and gaming! *fierce look*

Enough on that. Other things that happened to me...

I got over Harry Potter.... (at least until the next movie comes out)... I saw a few friends... And stuff...

I'm going now. Bye.

Current Mood: meh

For the past year, in case I haven't mentioned it, I've gotten into manga.

^_^ Eeep! It's so cool! Fruits Basket, Rurouni Kenshin,  Fushugi Yugi (though I've only read the first volume of that...)

On to other stuff... Christmas was dissappointing... a friend called me an emo... A guy who I only know through a friend got my email address somehow even though my gmail account isn't posted on any internet sites, which was freaky, and no one told it to him so it seemed freaky that he knew it...

Great. I'm being kicked off AGAIN. WHYYYYYYYYY?!?!???!! *anguished look*

Hmmf. Bye.

Haven't been on in a while. I got into manga. I joined a bunch of websites. I wrote stuff, drew stuff, finished year nine, etcetera...

I'm gonna go laugh at other people now. Goodbye.

Current Mood: meh